😩 CHICAGO, WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?! NOW WE GOT MEASLES TOO?!

Baby, I need somebody to explain to me WHAT KIND OF SUMMER PACKAGE DID CHICAGO PURCHASE?!

Because every time I turn around, something else is trying to bite us, infect us, send us running to the bathroom, or make us afraid to breathe near somebody.

First came the BITING FLIES.

And these ain't the regular little flies that land on your potato salad and you wave 'em away. Folks around Chicagoland have been complaining about getting SWARMED by flies that actually BITE. Reports have been coming from Rogers Park all the way down to Calumet Park, with people describing those bites like little needles.

Okay. Fine.

So we stay inside.

WRONG.

Because then Chicago health officials warned us about CYCLOSPORA, a microscopic parasite that can come from contaminated food or water.

And what is one of the symptoms?

I wish I was making this up.

FREQUENT, SOMETIMES EXPLOSIVE BOWEL MOVEMENTS.

EXPLOSIVE?! 💩💥

CDPH reported around 60 Chicago cases by mid-July. 

So now I can't go outside because the flies are fighting.

Can't eat because my intestines might turn into the Fourth of July.

Then the MOSQUITOES clocked in.

Chicago confirmed its first two human West Nile cases of 2026, including one death, and suburban Cook County reported its first four cases.

AND NOW...

🤦🏾‍♀️ MEASLES HAS ENTERED THE CHAT.

Illinois health officials have added Chicago Union Station, 255 S. Canal Street, to the state's official measles exposure list.

Anyone who was at Union Station August 27 through August 28 may have been exposed and should monitor for symptoms through September 18.

And this isn't happening in a vacuum. Illinois is currently reporting 11 measles cases in 2026, and Kane County just confirmed its second case.

Measles is extremely contagious. Watch for fever, cough, runny nose, red or watery eyes and a rash that usually begins around the face or hairline and spreads downward.

If you were potentially exposed and you're not immune, health officials say contact your healthcare provider. And if you start having symptoms, CALL BEFORE YOU WALK INTO THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE OR ER so they can prepare and avoid exposing everybody sitting in the waiting room.

So let me make sure I have Chicago's 2026 survival kit correct:

Fly swatter. Bug spray. Toilet paper. MMR records. And apparently JESUS.

Because between the biting flies, explosive diarrhea, West Nile mosquitoes and now measles, I'm about two health alerts away from putting a plastic bubble around my whole damn house.

Chicago, WE HAVE SUFFERED ENOUGH. 😂

I'm Lady Red, the Midwest Monster of Your Middays, and you're listening to 730 BOOM Radio.

730 BOOM RADIOIT HITS DIFFERENT. EVERY TIME. BOOM! 💥