TRUMP WANTS RANCHERS TO SELL MEAT WITHOUT FEDERAL INSPECTION?! SIR... THIS MF IS DOING THE MOST AND NOT ENOUGH AT THE SAME DAMN TIME! 😭

WTF?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

Baby, every time we think we've reached the end of the “Wait... he wants to do WHAT?” file, somebody apparently adds another damn folder.

President Donald Trump announced Friday that he's having legal documents drawn up aimed at giving farmers and ranchers more freedom to process and sell their own meat, taking aim at the major meatpacking companies, he calls a “nasty Monopoly.” Agriculture Secretary Brooke Rollins says USDA initiatives are expected to begin rolling out Monday.

Now WAIT.

Before somebody runs outside, grabs Bessie and starts selling ribeyes out the garage...

🐄🥩

THAT IS NOT THE LAW RIGHT NOW.

Under current federal rules, ranchers can already slaughter animals for their own household use. But meat being commercially sold generally has to go through an eligible inspected establishment. And exactly what Trump's forthcoming proposal will change hasn't been released yet. Federal inspection requirements are established in law, so there's also a legal question about how far the administration can go without Congress.

But Trump is talking about loosening those restrictions.

And Lady Red has ONE QUESTION:

WHY TF ARE WE EXPERIMENTING WITH THE MEAT?!

😭😭😭

Sir...

THE FOOD BEEN ACTING UP ALL DAMN YEAR.

We done had recalls on meat.

Vegetables.

Cheese.

Sprouts.

Jalapeños.

At this point I don't know whether I'm supposed to eat dinner or interrogate it.

“WHERE WERE YOU PACKAGED?!”

🥩: Chicago.

“WHO INSPECTED YOU?!”

🥩: I'd like an attorney.

😭😂😂😂

And here's why this timing has people concerned.

The FDA currently lists multiple active foodborne-illness investigations, including an 84-case Salmonella Newport outbreak with the product not yet identified, another Salmonella outbreak with 41 cases and an E. coli/Salmonella outbreak linked to alfalfa sprouts. The FDA is also still investigating the major Salmonella outbreak linked to jalapeños.

So while America is over here trying to figure out WHICH DAMN FOOD IS TRYING TO KILL US THIS WEEK...

We're discussing potentially making inspection LESS restrictive?!

SIR.

Can we finish ONE emergency before opening another tab?!

😭😂

🥩 AND BEEF ITSELF JUST GAVE US AN EXAMPLE

Earlier this month, roughly 30,000 pounds of raw Argentine beef were recalled after entering the United States without receiving required federal import reinspection.

No illnesses had been confirmed from that beef, but USDA caught the problem precisely because the inspection requirement exists. 

Now I'm not saying every farmer or rancher is out here selling dirty meat.

ABSOLUTELY NOT.

Most farmers and ranchers take tremendous pride in what they produce, and there's a legitimate economic problem underneath Trump's argument.

Four enormous companies dominate roughly 85 percent of U.S. beef processing, and ranchers have complained for years that consolidation leaves them with fewer choices, long waits at independent processors and less leverage over prices. Both Republican and Democratic administrations have tried different approaches to strengthen smaller processors.

THAT deserves attention.

Break up monopolistic practices.

Help small processors.

Build more regional slaughter facilities.

Hell, USDA already announced a $500 million program this month to support eligible independent and regional beef slaughter facilities.

But baby...

FOOD INSPECTION?!

That's where Lady Red's eyebrows went all the way upstairs.

😂

Because “I trust the rancher” and “Nobody needs to inspect the meat” are TWO DIFFERENT DAMN SENTENCES.

I trust my beautician too.

That doesn't mean I want her performing my colonoscopy.

😭😭😭

😂 AND TRUMP CALLED FARMERS “IMMACULATELY CLEAN”

Trump praised American farmers and ranchers as smart, efficient and “immaculately CLEAN.” 

Sir.

They could be the cleanest people since Jesus washed feet.

BACTERIA DOESN'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT YOUR PERSONAL HYGIENE.

E. coli ain't standing at the barn door like:

🦠 “Wait... is this rancher immaculate? Okay fellas, let's leave.”

😭😂😂😂

That's why food-safety systems exist.

Not because every rancher is nasty.

Because pathogens are microscopic and animals can carry them without anybody looking dirty.

🤦🏾‍♀️ THIS MF IS DOING THE MOST AND NOT ENOUGH AT THE SAME DAMN TIME

THAT'S what has me hollering.

We got expensive groceries.

Beef prices through the roof.

Farmers complaining about giant processors.

Consumers trying to afford dinner.

Food recalls popping up like damn push notifications.

AND WE'RE OVER HERE REARRANGING THE INSPECTION SYSTEM?!

Sir...

DO SOMETHING ABOUT THESE DAMN GROCERY PRICES WITHOUT MAKING ME HAVE TO MEET THE COW PERSONALLY.

😭😂😂😂

I don't want to be standing at Jewel asking:

“Excuse me, was this steak federally inspected?”

Employee:

“Ma'am, Gerald slaughtered that Tuesday.”

WHO TF IS GERALD?!

😭😭😭😭

“Gerald is immaculate.”

I DON'T GIVE A DAMN. WHERE IS THE USDA STAMP?!

😂😂😂

Now, to keep this fair, we need to see the actual policy before declaring that federally inspected meat is disappearing from stores. Rollins has talked about waiving red tape and expanding interstate sales, and the final rules could end up being narrower than Trump's initial announcement.

But if the final plan really means commercially sold meat can bypass meaningful safety inspection?

730 BOOM GOT QUESTIONS.

A LOT OF DAMN QUESTIONS.

Because I already have to check the FDA website before I make a salad.

I am NOT adding:

“Google the cow.”

to my grocery-shopping routine.

😭😂😂😂

Fix the monopoly.

Help the ranchers.

Lower the prices.

Increase competition.

Build more local processing capacity.

BUT KEEP SOMEBODY CHECKING THE DAMN MEAT.

Because Lady Red likes her steak medium-well.

NOT MEDIUM-E. COLI.

🥩🦠😭😂

Would you feel comfortable buying and eating meat that was NOT federally inspected, even if it came directly from a local farmer or rancher you trusted?

YES, I TRUST THE FARMER 🐄NOPE, INSPECT MY DAMN MEAT! 🔍🥩

IT HITS DIFFERENT. EVERY TIME. BOOM! 💥