🚨 FIRST THE LETTUCE. THEN THE GUAC. NOW THE EGGS?! BABY, WHAT THE HELL ARE WE SUPPOSED TO EAT?! 😩🥚

730 BOOM Newsroom
Aug 18
3 min read

730 BOOM RADIO | RED ALERT: THE DIRT™

I have a serious question for the United States of America:

CAN I EAT BREAKFAST OR NOT?!

Because apparently going to the grocery store in 2026 requires a shopping list, a calculator and a damn FDA background check.

We JUST talked about the lettuce.

Then the jalapeños started acting up.

Then salsa and guacamole got dragged into it.

And NOW...

NINETEEN. MILLION. EGGS.

The FDA has upgraded a massive recall involving 1,589,577 dozen eggs, roughly 19 million individual eggs, to Class I, its most serious recall classification. The eggs were produced by Midwest Poultry Services at two Texas farms and were recalled over possible Salmonella Enteritidis contamination.

Baby...

THE WHOLE DAMN BREAKFAST PLATE IS UNDER INVESTIGATION. 😭

🥚 AND THIS ISN'T A LITTLE “JUST IN CASE” SITUATION

The salmonella outbreak connected to the investigation has sickened 98 people across 17 states, with 26 hospitalizations reported. No deaths had been reported in the latest figures I found.

And when the FDA says Class I, they're not saying:

"Maybe don't eat these if you don't mind."

That's the agency's highest-risk classification, used when exposure carries a reasonable probability of serious adverse health consequences or death.

So NO.

Don't scramble them.

Don't fry them.

Don't boil them.

Don't make Grandma's famous deviled eggs and say:

“The Lord gon' cover 'em.”

MA'AM, THROW THEM DAMN EGGS AWAY. 😭

🛒 NOW LET'S TALK ABOUT WHICH EGGS

The recalled eggs were distributed under multiple brands and package sizes, including products sold through retailers such as Kroger and Brookshire Grocery stores. The affected eggs have identifying plant code P-1950 or code 0840962 and Julian dates 157 through 184.

So don't just look inside the refrigerator and say:

“Mine look all right.”

SALMONELLA DOESN'T PUT ON A NAME TAG.

Check the carton.

The FDA says consumers should not eat, sell or serve the recalled eggs.

😩 BUT LADY RED NEEDS TO DISCUSS THE BIGGER PICTURE...

Because didn't we JUST DO THIS?!

Last month, Taylor Farms recalled iceberg lettuce sourced from central Mexico amid a massive Cyclospora outbreak.

Then earlier THIS MONTH, here came the jalapeños.

Those jalapeños were tied to a separate salmonella outbreak, and Taylor Farms recalled prepared products containing them, including:

GUACAMOLE. SALSA. PICO DE GALLO. DIPS.

Some of those products were distributed through major retailers including Target, Walmart, Kroger and Whole Foods.

That jalapeño outbreak had reached 345 illnesses across 27 states with 36 hospitalizations in the latest reporting I found.

So let's review my grocery list:

Lettuce: 👀

Jalapeños: 👀

Guacamole: 👀

Salsa: 👀

Eggs: 👀👀👀

WHAT'S LEFT?!

A sleeve of Saltines and prayer?! 😭

At this rate I'm going to walk into Jewel with a hazmat suit and ask the produce manager:

“WHAT IN HERE AIN'T CURRENTLY UNDER FEDERAL INVESTIGATION?”

⚠️ SERIOUSLY, CHECK YOUR FOOD

Jokes aside, these are separate recalls and outbreaks, and I don't want anybody thinking the eggs, lettuce and guacamole are all connected to one contamination event.

They are not.

The eggs involve a salmonella investigation connected to Midwest Poultry Services.

The lettuce recall involved a separate Cyclospora outbreak investigation involving Taylor Farms de Mexico.

And the recent guacamole, salsa and other prepared-food recalls stemmed from jalapeños potentially contaminated with salmonella.

Different outbreaks.

Different products.

Different investigations.

SAME DAMN QUESTION FROM ME: CAN WE PLEASE GET THROUGH ONE GROCERY AISLE WITHOUT AN ALERT?!

🔴 LADY RED SAYS...

Listen, I remember when grocery shopping was simple.

You checked the expiration date.

You squeezed the avocado.

You opened the egg carton to make sure none were cracked.

AND WENT HOME.

Now apparently I need to stand in aisle seven Googling:

"FDA recall August 2026..."

before I put something in my cart.

And don't let me hear tomorrow:

“BREAKING NEWS: BREAD RECALLED.”

Because at that point I'm eating the grocery bag.