😳🥃 SECRET SERVICE AGENT SAYS HE HAD “TOO MUCH TO DRINK” AFTER HOTEL-HALLWAY ARREST

Baby, WHAT IS GOING ON IN WASHINGTON?!

A Secret Service agent assigned to a security detail connected to President Donald Trump is back in the headlines after body-camera footage was released showing his May arrest at a Miami hotel. Authorities accuse 33-year-old John Spillman of indecent exposure after hotel guests said he allegedly followed them upstairs and engaged in a sexual act in the hallway outside their room. Spillman has been charged, but the allegation has not been proven in court.

And when deputies reportedly asked why his pants were down, his explanation was:

“I had too much to drink.” 

SIR.

That is supposed to explain WHAT PART?! 😭

Because I've had cocktails before. Somehow I have successfully managed to keep my drawers on in the hallway of the DoubleTree.

Apparently you have to get drunk when you work for this administration because just last week we were talking about a federal watchdog report alleging former Labor Secretary Lori Chavez-DeRemer and top aides regularly drank alcohol during working hours, with some employees allegedly pressured or ridiculed if they didn't participate. Her attorney has denied that she broke the law.

Now here comes the Secret Service with:

“I had too much to drink.”

BABY, IS THERE A TWO-DRINK MINIMUM TO WORK FOR THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT?! 😂

And before anybody starts yelling at me, yes, this alleged incident happened while Spillman was off duty. He had been in Florida as part of a security perimeter screening detail connected to Trump's visit to Trump National Doral for the PGA Cadillac Championship.

But this is where the story goes completely off the rails.

According to authorities, a woman said Spillman allegedly followed her and other guests from the hotel lobby to the sixth floor. They went into their rooms because they were afraid, and she later reported seeing him allegedly exposing himself and engaging in the sexual act near the room.

That's not funny.

That's frightening.

But the alleged decision-making?

KNUCKLEHEAD NEWS CERTIFIED.

You're SECRET SERVICE.

Your whole profession revolves around situational awareness.

Yet allegedly you couldn't assess the situation involving YOUR OWN PANTS?!

Sir, the perimeter that needed securing was apparently YOUR BELT. 😭😂

The newly released bodycam footage reportedly shows Spillman with his belt unbuckled and pants undone as deputies confronted and handcuffed him. Prosecutors are still seeking additional surveillance footage as the criminal case moves forward.

The Secret Service placed Spillman on administrative leave and called the alleged behavior unacceptable and contrary to the professionalism expected of its personnel.

So today's Lady Red public-service announcement is very simple:

If you've had too much to drink...

CALL AN UBER.

GO TO YOUR ROOM.

ORDER SOME WINGS.

And most importantly...

KEEP YOUR DAMN PANTS ON.

Because “Secret Service” is one of those jobs where your business is supposed to remain...

A SECRET. 😂

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