TRUMP LOSES AGAIN OVER THOSE 34 FELONY COUNTS: FEDERAL JUDGE SAID NAH... THIS CASE AIN’T MOVING! 😩⚖️

📍NEW YORK, NY — President Donald Trump has tried another route to get his 34-count felony conviction out of New York state court and into federal court.

And the federal judge basically looked at the paperwork and said:

SIR... WE HAVE BEEN OVER THIS SHIT BEFORE. 😭

On Friday, August 28, U.S. District Judge Alvin Hellerstein rejected Trump's latest attempt to move his New York criminal case into federal court, where Trump hoped to use presidential immunity arguments in his continuing effort to overturn the conviction.

Baby, at this point this case has more attempted exits than an IKEA.

FRONT DOOR? Nope. SIDE DOOR? Nope. FEDERAL DOOR? LOCKED. WINDOW?!

Trump: 👀

DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT. 😂

⚖️ WAIT... REMIND ME WHY HE HAS 34 FELONIES

Back in May 2024, a Manhattan jury found Trump guilty on 34 felony counts of falsifying business records.

The case centered on records connected to a $130,000 hush-money payment to adult-film actress Stormy Daniels before the 2016 election. Prosecutors argued the business records were falsified as part of an effort to conceal the payment. Trump denied Daniels' claim of a sexual encounter, pleaded not guilty and has maintained that the prosecution was politically motivated.

And before somebody hollers:

“BUT HE DIDN'T GO TO JAIL!”

Correct.

Judge Juan Merchan sentenced Trump in January 2025 to an unconditional discharge, meaning no jail, probation or fine.

But that did NOT erase the convictions.

Them 34 little felonies are still sitting there like:

👋🏾 HEY DONALD! REMEMBER US?!

🏃🏾‍♀️ SO WHY WAS HE TRYING TO GET TO FEDERAL COURT?

Trump's attorneys argued that the U.S. Supreme Court's 2024 presidential-immunity ruling changed the legal landscape.

That Supreme Court decision gave presidents substantial protection from criminal prosecution for official presidential acts.

So Trump's legal team argued that evidence introduced during his Manhattan trial involved presidential conduct that should have been protected, and they wanted the state case moved into federal court.

Okay.

There's just one tiny problem.

Judge Hellerstein essentially said:

WHAT THE HELL DOES PAYING STORMY DANIELS HAVE TO DO WITH BEING PRESIDENT?! 😭

Not literally in those words, because judges apparently have more decorum than US.

But Hellerstein DID write:

“Paying hush money to an adult film star or engaging in a cover-up of an embarrassment are not subsumed in presidential immunity.”

😂😂😂

YOUR HONOR!

You ain't have to word it like THAT!

Trump's lawyers: Presidential immunity.

Judge:

PRESIDENTIAL IMMUNITY FROM WHAT?!

Running the military? Maybe.

Negotiating with foreign leaders? Okay.

Signing legislation? Presidential.

STORMY DANIELS?!

Sir, I don't remember seeing THAT s**t in Article II of the Constitution. 😭

🍎 AND THEN THE JUDGE PULLED OUT THE DAMN APPLES

This wasn't Trump's first attempt to move the case.

Hellerstein had previously rejected removal attempts, but a federal appeals court later instructed him to reconsider important issues following the Supreme Court's immunity ruling.

So he reconsidered it.

Looked at everything again.

Thought about it.

And...

NOPE.

Hellerstein concluded Trump's new grounds were “neither new nor legally sufficient” and said Trump had failed to demonstrate the required good cause and diligence.

And then came my favorite legal phrase of the day.

The judge said Trump was seeking a:

“second bite at the apple.” 

🍎😭

CHIIIIILE.

Trump:

BITES APPLE.

Judge: No.

Trump:

Turns apple around.

Judge: Still no.

Trump:

WHAT IF I BITE THIS SIDE?!

Judge:

DONALD, PUT THE DAMN APPLE DOWN.

⏰ THE JUDGE ALSO SAID... YOU WAITED TOO LONG

Timing was another major problem.

Hellerstein said Trump's lawyers made a strategic decision to pursue the presidential-immunity argument in state court first rather than immediately attempting federal removal after the Supreme Court ruling.

Trump's team waited 64 days after that Supreme Court decision before seeking federal removal again.

The judge wasn't buying the do-over.

Basically:

YOU CAN'T TRY ONE COURT, SEE HOW THAT'S GOING, THEN SAY, “NEVER MIND, LET ME TRY THAT COURT OVER THERE.” 😂

Hellerstein wrote that Trump's delay represented a strategic decision and that later deciding the strategy wasn't so hot wasn't enough to establish legal cause for the late filing.

Translation from Legalese to 730 Boom:

YOU PICKED THE LANE. NOW DRIVE THE MF CAR.

🚨 BUT DON'T START CELEBRATING OR CRYING YET

This does NOT mean Trump's legal fight over the 34 convictions is finished.

His lawyers have already indicated they will appeal Hellerstein's ruling, and Trump is separately challenging the conviction through the New York state appellate process.

Trump's legal team called Friday's ruling “baseless and lawless” and said the Supreme Court immunity decision requires the case to be moved to federal court and overturned.

So everybody calm down.

Democrats:

WE WON!

Republicans:

THIS ISN'T OVER!

Trump:

APPEAL!

Lawyers:

💰💰💰

Lady Red:

HOW MANY DAMN SEASONS IS THIS SHOW?! 😭

Because whether you love Trump, hate Trump, voted for Trump, voted against Trump, or turn the TV off every time somebody says Trump...

THIS MF HAS BEEN IN COURT LONGER THAN SOME PEOPLE BEEN IN RELATIONSHIPS.

💥 730 BOOM BOTTOM LINE

Here's what actually happened without the political pom-poms:

Trump still has his 34 felony convictions.

Friday's ruling did not add any new convictions, and it did not send him to jail.

It rejected this particular attempt to transfer the already-decided New York criminal case into federal court.

Trump still has appeals available, and his attorneys are using them.

So this story ain't over.

NOT EVEN CLOSE.

But for this particular round?

🔔 DING DING DING!

Federal Judge: NO.

Trump: APPEAL.

America:

HERE WE GO AGAIN. 😩🍿

And somewhere in Manhattan there is an apple praying everybody leaves its ass out of the next court filing.

730 BOOM RADIO

IT HITS DIFFERENT. EVERY TIME. BOOM! 💥